Lelouch's Genitals
by Gaywad74
Summary: Lelouch lives in an apartment with Light and Levi. In order to cope with their feelings, they touch themselves in fladuperous ways. What will their boyfriends think? Lelouch wants to find his love as soon as physically possible because everybody else has one. Though, he occasionally rapes Light as a substitute. Who will his secret crush be? Read to find out!


I walk out onto the balcony of the apartment I share with Levi and Light, to be honest they were both giant ass douchebags that were never happy because they had a weird obsession with killing people using something called a Death Note. I use my geass to make people commit suicide because thats how I fucking roll. I walk back inside because its raining ice cream cones again and thats when children come outside to catch the ice cream and I hate children because they're so fucking annoying. When I walk inside I see Levi making out with a picture of Eren Jeager and jacking off. Eren Yeager was some kid thats like fucking 10 years younger than him and that he occasionally brings over to bang and Light and i have to go over to L's house because we get boners listening to the sound of them banging. When I look over to my right I see light masturbating while writing names in his Death Note in the middle of the kitchen. God he's so fucking sexy, I'd drug him then bang him, although i have done that already. I pick up a book labeled alien porn and begin to read it when suddenly the doorbell rings. I get up to answer it and i find that its Misa Amane, god shes such a fucking bitch. Before She has the chance to say anything I choke her to death then I take her lifeless body and give it to Hannah Montanna. "Lelouch who dafuq is that?" Light asks in a angry voice. "It was Misa I killed her then gave her body to Hannah Montanna because she wanted to bang her dead body." I answered back in a calm voice as if it was nothing. Light continued to masturbate because he fucking hated her anyway. I decided that it was time to adopt a cat and name it Cactapus because I felt that it was best for me because Light won't do anything but masturbate and Levi's always out banging Eren and I have no one to bang unless I drug Light or L. I decided that I should attempt pooping in a fashionably manor. So I did and it took three days, I shouldn't have eaten all those plums I guess. When i walk out to the living room after three days from shitting my brains out i notice that somehow Rat and Shion managed to come and live with us. I usually wouldn't care because it was a pretty big apartment with about 10 bedrooms because we were rich mother fuckers (because I used my geass to get money) but I was the fucking boss and i said no blowjobs on top of the tv and Shion was giving Rat a blowjob and got fucking cum all over the place. I made them retire to their room and I literally had to pry Shion's mouth off of Rats dick and when they got back to their room you could hear them banging. I walked in because it got silent and I wanted to take pictures of their naked hotness and found that it got silent because Rat was shoving a dildo up Shion's ass. So I took pictures of that instead. When I walked to the computer room to print these pictures I found Gilbert Nightray eating potatoes and he was really sexy. So when I notice the sky is raining some retardededed cum, I laugh hysterically at its retatrdededednessess and i believe with all my heart, that someday, I will become a motherpukcing arsing hotshot with the biggest vagina in the history of the world. Then I banged Gilbert because we're both sexy motherfucking fuckers, now we bang frequently and I got rid of that horrid cat that humped Rat's leg all the time. Gilbert and I became lovers and took over the world, making it a requirement for everyone to watch anime daily or you will get executed and put gays in charge of everything.

-The End you motherfuckers-

Haha you really thought that was the end? Humans are foolish motherfucking retards. NO FUCKING WAY THE STORIES OVER, no it and I are cuddling on the couch watching F.r.i.e.n.d.s. while my right hand is down his pants and my left hand is holding fried chicken, while he strokes my nose hair and caresses my dick. We're more in fucking love than Rat and Shion on crack. All of a sudden L and Light walk in completely fucking drunk "LIGHT I'M SOOOO HORNY FUUUCCKK MEEE NOWWWW" I could see that Light took that as an invitation to fuck L so he picked him up and carried him to their bedroom to bang. Gilbert hated listening to them bang since they were the loudest and most obnoxious so we took care of each others erections then headed out to the park, we had the best relationship out of everyone at that fucked up dick house apartment thing. We were the only ones who didn't fuck 24/7 and when we did it was so amazing it gave everyone else boners just listening to us. I guess you could say that i was the Seme in the relationship because i always dominated over him and i was the one shoving my dick into his glorious asshole, him being the Uke and all. We even considered moving out and getting married and living in the country just the two of us, but Light is so fucking mental and won't get a job and he would have to be the owner of the place so our dreams will never come true. As we walked through the cherry blossom trees the light reflected perfectly off of his silky black hair. It was so sexy, it took a lot of restraint to keep my hands off of him until we got back to the large apartment. Once we got back the apartment it was empty, perfect. There were notes written on sticky notes thrown on top of the coffee table. Gilbert walked over and grabbed them and read them aloud, "Dear mother fucker Lelouch, L and I decided to get a place on our own so that we may jab each others dicks into each other as much as we wish, L has a good job and knows I'm Kira and chose to look past that because after today I am relinquishing my ownership of this death note and Ryuk will no longer be here to watch us bang, anyway I'm not a criminal anymore because L pulled some strings so you can stop using your geass for me to protect my identity tehe. well anyway Farewell. Sincerely your fucked up friend, Light." Gilberts face lit up, he fucking hated him so much it hurt, I could tell he thought that L was sexy but Light was so fucking irritating always coming back wasted interrupting Gilbert's peaceful slumber and fucking L, and when L didn't want to fuck he threatened to have Ryuk write his name down in the death note and kill him then L always just ignored him because he knew Ryuk was too stubborn to do that unless you had a golden apple, so light just fucking raped him in our bed and Gilbert hated that more than anything. The next note was from Rat and Shion, they just simply said they're going to Florida for two weeks and are going to disney world. The third and final note told us why Eren and Levi are gone, they left because they wanted to get married and move out so they're gone to. I'm just praying that Shion and Rat will do the same, they're too young to live without an adult but who cares. I went over to Gilbert and hugged him from behind, now that everyone else was gone we decided to go to our bedroom and bang. And bang we did.(but i won't add detail ;) Once I finished shoving my dick into his ass we passed out and slept for like 20 fucking hours or something. The next morning I got up and a scent that smelled like fuck filled the air, I got up to see what it was realizing that I was as naked as a baby rhino in the middle of the Australian Outback, even though they don't live in Australia…. I think.. I shoved some random clothes on my body and walked in the kitchen. I saw Gilbert in the kitchen wearing nothing but the pink apron I bought him for his birthday as a gag gift but he ended up loving it anyway. He was making breakfast and it looked really good but smelled like fuck. I guess Light, L, Levi and Eren moving out put him in a really good mood because he's never done this before. I walked up and slapped his ass that was hanging out of the apron. He jumped up and and turned around almost smacking me in the face with a spatula. "Lelouch! Wtf?" he gasps. "dont act like you didn't like it my gay little fucker." I licked his face then walked away to make some coffee. I wish it could be like this everyday but unfortunately Shion and Rat will be back in a week and 6 days and then it'll be over until we figure something out. They were honestly the ones I didn't mind much but they gave each other blow jobs everywhere. Even on top of the cat we used to have, on the stove, in the refrigerator, on the roof, on the tv, and even on Gilbert's favorite hat that I gave him a month after we started dating. Well enough talking about that the coffee's ready and I really need some motherfucking caffeine. I walk over to the refrigerator while popping an ear pimple and saw that there was no coffee creamer. "GOD DAMMIT!" I yelled' startling Gilbert so badly that he dropped his spatula. "What's wrong Lelouch, are you ok?" he asked looking worried, god he's so fucking cute when he looks worried. "yeah we're just out of creamer, L always finishes it and never tells anyone. AND I STILL CAN'T POP THIS MOTHER FUCKING EAR PIMPLE." Gilbert actually looked scared that I was yelling I rarely ever yelled unless it was at Light. I walked over to Gilbert and hugged him, "I'm sorry for overreacting over stupid shit and making you scared my short little ass fucker," He was a lot shorter than I am and his head fit perfectly into my neck right below my chin. "its ok Lelouch, I love you more than anything my sweet dick licker" I chuckled and then left to go get creamer. As i walked down the street I noticed all of those lame and gay straight couples. *scoff* "fuck them" I mumbled to myself. I walked into Kroger and bought 20 large containers of creamer. Gilbert and I drink a lot of coffee :3 I started walking back to the apartment eager to drink my coffee and see Gilbert in that frilly pink apron. All of a sudden a rock hit my face, I look around seeing who it could be and saw a couple of 30 year olds dressed in thug clothing, trying to look younger and cool I'm guessing? I started walking again ignoring them. Just then one tackled me down causing me to drop my creamer, fuck! And then they dragged me into an alleyway. I began to struggle and trying to punch my attackers but they held down my arms and legs. "Stay still Leouch Lamperouge, we just want to molest you" I was shocked , like literally who the fuck just blatantly comes out and say your going to rape someone to their face? I didn't want them to touch me and I couldn't move because they were actually really strong. "Let me go! What the fuck do you want ass lickers? Money? I've got plenty of it!" I whined, I've honestly never been so scared. If only Gilbert my little ass muffin were here this probably wouldn't have happened because even though he's smaller he's a lot stronger than I am. After a good five minutes of struggling it was no use. I was going to get raped and there was nothing I could do. Sorry my little ass muffin. I love you Gilbert and that promise we made to never let anyone touch us besides eachother has been broken. I'm sorry. Just then I tears started to fall from my eyes and I closed them. But before I completely lost consciousness I saw a black figure running down the alley yelling my name. Gilbert? "Lelouch!" Just then I saw Gilbert's worried face running toward the attackers and I. There were about five that I could tell and he beat them all up. God I loved him so much. He leaned down and bit my face and calling me a kawaii little shit. "My kawaii little shit didn't I say that no one could touch you but me?" I nodded "I'm sorry Gilbert it won't happen again" as we walked back we talked about the anime called Attack on Titan and how fucking amazing it was. As we were walking up the stairs Gilbert suddenly slapped my ass the smirked. "Payback for earlier you mother fucking ass dick" he said as he chuckled and ran up the stairs slapping it again then running ahead. I chased him up the stairs and caught him before he could get the door unlocked and grabbed his dick through his pants. He gasped and we went inside and fucked forgetting about the coffee and breakfast. The next day I wake up to see Gilbert fall on the floor off the bed and stayed asleep. What a fag. So I get up and step on his face and walk out the door. To my surprise once I get outside to the living room I see Arthur Kirkland and and Alfred F. Jones sitting on the couch while masturbating. I walk over to the frigerator to get coffee creamer when I see a sticky note it reads 'Dear mother fucking Lelouch, I told Arther and Alfred that they could have my house keys because I have no use for them you mother fucking dick ass prick, tell Gilbert I told him to fuck himself for stealing you away from me that little fucking fag. Well have a nice day. ^-^' Wtf? Well whatever, Gilbert didn't steal me away, he had L and he's such a stupid sex addict and I can't deal with that shit. I'm not addicting to fucking banging like that motherfucking prick. And wtf? I don't want to share an apartment with Arthur and Alfred because they were both mother fucking wankers. "Hey Arther, Alfred, can you please get the fuck out?" I yelled at them. We continued to stare at each other for 3 hours and the silence finally broke when I screamed at them again telling them that they need to leave. Before anything could come out of their gay mouths Gilbert walked into the kitchen and asked what dafuq was going on. I explained to him and he got really pissed. He didn't show it but I could tell. Before I could do anything else Gilbert walked up and choked them to death. Afterwards we disposed of the bodies properly. We gave them to Hannah Montana and she began to molest them. After she finished molesting them she took their bodies and left. I was happy that once again no one else was here but me and my beautiful mother fucker bang buddy Gilbert. Even though Shion and Rat will be back in a week and five days, that's long enough for Gilbert and I to do some fucking in peace and doing whatever the duck we want BECAUSE WE WERE FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS! Anyway Gilbert and I walked over the the couch and caressed each other's dicks while drinking coffee and watching some weird ass anime called "Baccano!". "Hey Leouch and Gilbert the douch!" We heard in a familiar voice "we're home and we won't be here long" we heard that voice say again as Rat and Shion walked into the living room right Infront of the tv blocking our show. Gilbert picked up the remote and paused it because if you miss one fucking thing you miss every other fucking thing in this Anime. I gave Rat a mean look and called him a mother fucking cock sucker for calling Gilbert a douche and asked why they were home so earlier. "We got an offer to be in a show called No.6 so we took it and were moving out, you fucking pussy's," he responded while walking up and sticking a finger in Gilberts mouth. Godammit only I could so that. "We're moving to Britannia" "we're in Britannia" I stated giving him an irritated look. He gave me a weird look "really for fucking realzies?" He asked "well what ever we're moving to the other fucking part of Britannia the part that's still Japan." He stated. He gave Shion a good slap on the ass then they left. I almost had forgotten that Japan or area 11 had taken back half of what used to be Japan in the first place. They did this by threatening to stop making anime and everyone flipped the fuck out because anime is so fucking amazing and if they took it away everyone would die. Gilbert was so happy that we had this giant ass apartment all to ourselves that he got an erection and I gave him a blowjob. After I gave him the probably best blowjob he's ever had we decided to sell this apartment because it was to big and relocate because we didn't want anyone that we knew to find us because we hate just about everyone we knew. We found a gay ass farm and decided to go there because I noticed how perfectly the cum rain and the shit dirt blended together to make the perfect amount of nastiness. I also realized that I left my fucking coffee maker and everything coffee related back at the apartment so I went back and broke into the apartment for my precious coffee. God coffees so great. I remember when I was tripping on acid that one summer and met the coffee god. He had a bad temper because he drank so much fucking coffee and I'm surprised he didn't explode. Gilbert knew about this he just decided to brush it off because hes such a polite mother fucker and i love that about him. Once i came back Gilbert had already eaten all of our potatoes. "What the fuck, Gilbert" he just looked at my like it was nothing. We were supposed to let the potatoes grow and then plant them so that we could have a potato farm. If light was here he would suggest having a weed farm, but since he isn't we decided that potatoes were super amazing, it is how we met after all, I can still remember how sexy he looked eating that potato when I walked into that old computer room that was in our apartment. Old apartment, Now we have a peaceful regular house together. After a month of living in this fucking sexy house, I decided that I would propose. So I called up an old friend named Armin Arlert and we went to the most fancy jewelry store we could find. Because I'm obviously pretty fucking amazing and if I didn't get a super amazing, badass ring Gilbert would see me as a total asswipe. Once we found a really nice store I noticed that people were staring at me looking at rings. Was it really that weird? Armin told me found one and it was perfect. It was like a fucking silver or something and it had an opal in the center instead of it. That's good right? It was certainly the only attractive one here. I fucking hate diamonds they're way too overrated. I called an employee or whatever the fuck they're called over here and told them I wanted this mother flipping ring. Her name tag read Kendall and she was short and blonde. "Certainly," she responded. She kept staring at me the whole time she got the ring out and put it into a box then put a red ribbon on it. In a really creepy way to. "can I help you? why are you staring at me? I asked. "well its just that you're so fucking sexy, who's the lucky motherfucking lady?" she asked. I just stared at her surprised. "um guy actually.. his name is Gilbert.." her eyes widened and she just stared at me as a payed. Wtf is her fucking problem? "What? Never seen gays before?" I blatantly said. "No its just that i love gays so fucking much HOLY FUUCCKKKKK THATS SO AMAZINGGGG HOLY FFFUUUCCCKKK DUUUDDEE I HOPE YOU AND GILBERT HAVE SEXY LIVES TOGETHER OMFG!1!" right after she said that I left the store as quickly as I could. That was weird. It wasn't until 20 minutes after I left that I realized I lost Armin, so I called him and he said that he was fucking Hannah Montana and that he was ok. So I didn't care. God Hannah Montana will bang anything thats blonde. Once I got back to the house I found that the door was broken into and one of the windows were broken. Gilbert? I walked inside hesitantly and yelled Gilberts name but no one was here. Once I got upstairs I saw a pool of blood forming under one of the doors. My heart skipped a beat I knew what was under that door, and i knew that I definitely was not going to like it. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I opened the door and there I saw it. A dead body. And it wasn't Gilbert's. I sighed in relief. but the body was Armin's. I thought he was with Hannah Montana. His body was disgusting and all dead and stuff and naked 0_0 wtf? I just remembered something. Hannah Montana doesn't do it with people who are alive. Only dead people because she's fucking insane. Wait, this means she kidnapped Hilbert and if I don't hurry... Oh shit... GILBERT! FUCK! THE ONE PERSON I CARED ABOUT THE MOST. AND NOW HE'S GONE. No I can't think like that. I know Hannah Montana's hiding place. I went there to drop off Misa Amane's body about 2 to 3 years ago. It's like a mile away from here, usually she targets blondes but Gilbert's so sexy I'm not surprised. I'm never going to leave him home alone again. I rushed to my car completely forgetting about my proposal plans and went to Hannah Montana's hiding place where she kills her victims then bangs their dead bodies, and if they're already dead she just bangs then on the spot. Once I got there I went into the dark church that was her hideout I checked every room until I came up upon one that says do not enter with a dorr covered in blood. Why didn't I come here first? I entered and saw a bunch of dead bodies but also a body breathing. It was gilbert. Thank god he's still alive, I begin to walk over him before I'm stopped by a voice. "Stop right there Lelouch LAMP- ER-OUGE" I could clearly tell that she was drunk and looked up to her standing on a beam attach to the roof and gave her a frown. I seriously hope she falls and dies. I'll never forgive her for what she's done to Armin and Gilbert. I want that motherfucking skank dead. She points a giant machine gun at me and starts to fire but I dodge every bullet like fucking Sebastian Michaelis. Before I attempt to stop her I dive for Gilbert's body and hide it under chapel bench thingy. I looked at his scars and bruises that she gave him. I'm going to like seriously straight up murder that mother fucking cock sucking cunt. I pull out my hand gun I take with me everywhere just incase ;) and start trying to shoot her down, while attempting to do so on of her bullets ends up hitting me in the shoulder and another one in the leg. But I kept shooting at her until I hit her in the damn face. Once her body fell and her neck and everything else broke I took a knife and stabbed her 57 times in the face and chest until you couldn't recognize her and shot her everywhere else 34 times. I was going to keep going but I felt a hand on my arm and someone whispering to me to stop. It was Gilbert, I could tell that he was completely horrified but he still worked up enough courage to come up and confront me. That bitch stripped him and gave him nothing to cover up with but a black little blanket. I felt really sorry for him. And now of course I was almost completely covered in blood. I wiped off as best as I could with Gilbert's blanket, I knew I didn't want Hannah's blood on me. I'm going straight home to take a shower in acid or something I have him my jacket and we went home explaining none of this to the cops. When we got gilbert cleaned up the mess from Armin and I took a shower. Afterwards we banged and I decided to propose to him another day because now would be really weird. Two months later I proposed and then we got married. No wedding because that's to gay for us. But we did get married at a fuckhouse I mean crack house I mean whore house... Courthouse... Anyway the sky was raining cum that day and it was perfect. All of the pregnant crazy single ladies were outside. I looked over to my left and saw Armin and he was all dead so I called on Arthur to come use his black magic to say some incantations to bring him back. I thought he had died but no that was his doppelgänger. So once Armin #2 came back to life he started talking in German then started talking our language again. That fuckcase. But the real Armin ended up getting married to Kendall because he went back there to the ring store and hit on her and they really liked each other. Idk if they they banged or not but who cares. I just realized none of that made sense but you get it, right? You better. Anyway, I walked outside into our frontyard one day and saw some flamingos flying into a kidney. I don't even know what I was seeing so I walked back inside and raped gilbert in his sleep. He won't mind, I do this a lot to him. I mean Light did that all the time to me, I don't even know what's wrong with him I guess he's straight or something. Though he is gay with L... But who cares? As long as he's gone and can go fuck chairs on his own. I'm going to go steal L's cake now and see what happens. *steals cake* he ended up kicking me in the dick so I won't do that again. God I just wanted to see his reaction, no need to be a fucking titan about it. I went to the store and just bought 500 pounds of fudge and I only bring back 1 pound a day so gilbert won't eat it all and get fat and I make him run like 5 miles everyday. Of course I can stay skinny with no help but I want him to keep his sweet fuckalicious body. It was so fuckable I just had to keep it perfect and have it all to myself. Because if Miley wanted to fuck him then you know he's irresistible. And L and Light have already took turns raping him for 5 hours straight while I was out killing the king of Britannia because he raped him to. God dammit why does he even have to be so sexy? Oh yeah, because he's gIlbert Nightray. god he's so sexy I can't even handle the raining cum outside, god those fucking flamingos don't know what they're getting themselves into. God I'm so gay.


End file.
